Monthly Archives: December 2016
Is Your Man REALLY a Workaholic?
Being dedicated to work, and being a workaholic are two different things, and it is important you understand the difference between the two. Workaholics feel the compulsive need to keep working at all times. They just cannot stop working, or thinking, worrying, talking, discussing work! Many a time this compulsive need to keep working is associated with some personality complex or a psychological condition – completely losing himself in work could be a workaholics way of dealing with (or rather avoiding to deal with) some serious problems or issues in his life. If that is the case, you – as his companion – can try to get him help. However, if there is no such situation, then you are simply in love with a man who is more dedicated to his work than you can be okay with!
Dating a Workaholic Man
First and foremost – it’s not easy. Even if you are not the kind of girl who wants her partners attention 24×7, dating a workaholic is really not easy. It requires patience… and a LOT of it. But even with patience, you are sometimes at a loss of what exactly it is you should DO to make it work! Patience is going to help you deal with what and how YOU feel about the whole relationship; but how exactly is the relationship going to turn out to be? How is it going to proceed? Here are a few things you can do to make dating a workaholic easy.
Understand and Make Understand
It is one thing to THINK your guy is workaholic and another to know it for a fact and understand what it means. The first thing you should do is try to understand the cause behind your guy being workaholic; once you do, you can tackle the problem better. By tackle I do not mean you be his mother and take charge of his job and his life. Sometimes men get so absorbed in their work, they do not realize it is affecting their relationship. Women being more sensitive and emotional, can pick up these signs easily though. Try to make your guy see what is happening. Talk to him, but not like a counselor or a teacher – talk to him like an equal. Do not be authoritative; do not sound whiny either. But do not sound too meek. Make your point without making a noise.
Voice Your Concern
Try to educate your guy about how being a workaholic is bad for you, him, and the two of you together. Let the talk come out of genuine concern rather than out of dissatisfaction. Let it not sound like you are trying to point out his faults to him. Do NOT, under any circumstance give him the guilt of not being able to give you time. Lend him an honest and unbiased ear. If he seems like he wants to talk to you about him, hear him out. If he seems to be holding his thoughts back, try to get him to come forth with them.
Chalk It Out!
Try to get things organized. Decide a time in the week when you would both be completely there for each other. Set a few simple rules, like no attending work-related calls. And do not just impose the rules on your man, follow them yourselves too! Make time to do things together, like going to the movies, throwing a party, making a day-trip. Take up a hobby together. Initially, it may feel too structured a relationship, but maybe spending more time together, or spending time together on a regular basis will re-invoke in your guy the feelings that have gone dormant and make him see what all he had been missing!
Spice It Up!
Many a time all it needs to grab your guy’s attention is a little bit of spice! When was the last time you made a night to remember? When was the last time your guy called you just to hear your voice? When was the last time you saw that deep longing for you in his eyes? Sometimes you have to remind your guy about what you two have been together, what you two are together, and what millions of things you can be together! There are many things you can do to spice up your relationship. Surprise your man – and leave him begging for more!
We always wonder what are the things to ask on a first date. We guess more guys face this question than girls. We may be wrong, but yes, to make your first date fun for both of you, it is important to know what to talk about on a first date. And so, the only thing you need is a conversation starter.
Once the conversation starts, and you start feeling more and more at ease with each other, we’re sure things will get a lot easier for both of you.
Talking Points for a First Date
You are bustling with topics, but then you face that Socrates-Hamlet-Shakespearean dilemma: to say or not to say. Well, these are some of the topics that fall under the category: to say.
✔ Basic Information
✔ Likes and Dislikes
✔ Funny Stories
✔ ‘How Was Your Day?’
Nothing wrong in sharing basic information about each other. You know, where are you from? What do you do?… All the stuff the Backstreet Boys say they don’t care about in the song ‘As Long as You Love Me’. OK maybe that was a bad example, but it’s always good to know if you have any friends in common and ensure that you don’t have any relatives in common!
▪ Likes and Dislikes
Another very important thing you’d like to know about your date is their likes and dislikes. Their favorite book, their favorite sport, their favorite band, their favorite song. I’ve noticed that once you do find something you share in common with someone, you get this nice comfortable feeling that the person is one of your own. In case you don’t, keep probing, you’ll find something. In case you still don’t, you’ll have a nice long conversation! Just as long as you don’t start arguing as to how the hell they support Manchester United and buzz off all shocked.
▪ Funny Stories
Funny stories are always some of the best conversation starters. In fact some people always like to have a nice, funny anecdote or a joke up their sleeve to tell on a date or when they’re meeting someone new. It really helps break the ice and makes you comfortable that you can make the other person laugh.
▪ ‘How Was Your Day?’
Well often you go out on a date with someone you’ve known for a while. So you pretty much know all the basic information about them and their likes and dislikes. So what’s the point in discussing those? But even when you know them, a date needs a different psychological preparation and hence can get a little awkward. So simply ask them how was their day? what did they do? And the like.
Things You Should Never Talk about on a First Date
Let us discuss the perhaps more important and decidedly gray territory of the first date talk dilemma: what not to say.
✘ Past Relationships
✘ The Weather
Unless of course, it is that sort of date. I still don’t know why so many of us can’t wrap their heads around the fact that sexual preferences ought to be kept under the wraps, at least for the first date. Flirt, but you have to know where to draw the boundaries where flirting starts getting kinky. Oh and for the record, it can be uncomfortable for the guy as well and not just the girl on the first date.
▪ Past Relationships
That’s always a bad place to go. But people trying to get over someone or on a rebound date do, talk about their ex like all the time. Which may be fine for some, but a real dampener for most of the people.
▪ The Weather
Because that’s always a very stupid thing to talk about and makes both of you more uncomfortable as you realize that you’re not making much headway with your conversation.
Trust is a very important aspect in every relationship. However, it is something that cannot be gained easily. It takes years of staying together to know if you can trust a person. Some very easily say that we trust our partners, but how sure are we? Constant efforts have to be made to gain the trust of your partner and if it’s not done, it hits a low pit. It is at this moment that insecurity issues step in. You are all of a sudden unsure of all the promises and plans you’ll made together.
One of the leading causes of insecurity is jealousy. We first need to understand that jealousy is not only limited to physical appearance but much more than that. When two people are in a relationship, they sort of own each other emotionally as well. If that space is suddenly occupied by a third person (male or female), doubts regarding importance are going to surface. Every relationship demands ownership of each other’s time and space.
Spontaneity is very vital in a relationship, as the lack of this will eventually show your partner the lack of your interest in the relationship. There has to be a surprise element to the relationship as well, which tells you that the love is not dead yet. Enthusiasm towards each other is one of the best ways to keep the relationship alive with healthy thoughts and feelings. If this goes missing, the level of interest is going to be judged, which if found low, will lead to insecurities.
Maximum insecurities in a relation arise if two people are in a long distance relationship. When the person is near you, you are subconsciously aware of him/her being there with you, near you. Distance brings a lot of a problems in a relationship, mainly those of communication. When communication takes a step back, assumptions take a step ahead. Insecurities relating to infidelity are common here. The best advice here is to communicate enough and properly.
Lack of Understanding
Have you heard of lack of empathy in a relationship? This has been a problem in so many relationships that some of them have even lead to a divorce. Insecurities basically arise when there is no understanding or when there is no initiative to understand someone. An emotional block can do a lot of harm to feelings that should actually flow between two people in love. A genuine effort to understand and comfort each other in certain situations can solve problems to a great extent.
Ask the Dreaded Question
The most logical as well as the least painstaking option, would be to directly approach your partner and ask them if they are currently married or not. If the answers they give, still leave you in doubt, then you probably should consider taking a break, the reason being that the basic requisite is missing, which is TRUST!
Check His/Her On-line Profiles
Search online, if there ever was a public invitation or declaration of marriage involving the person you’re dating, because you might find it online. Check all popular social networking sites for your partner’s profile. You may come across old uploads about their status and other exiting events of their lives, which may give you your answers.
Check His/Her Apartment
Do your own research. The next time they take you over to their home, look out for traces of other people having recently lived there with them. Though, this may be misleading. Try checking for old photographs or voice mail, when he/she is in the shower or gone to get some provisions or is on a call in a different room. Does your partner always insist on meeting you at your place? If so, find out why you can’t go over to their place as well?
Are You Being Hidden?
Have the two of you been for movies to popular theaters, or cozy dates in crowded restaurants, cafes, and other eateries? Have you been introduced to his/her common friends? If not, you just might find yourself being hidden by your lover, so that people he/she know may not get suspicious.
Question the Patterns
Find out peculiar patterns in your relationship with this person. Are you free to call them whenever you miss them, or is there a fixed time for romance? Many cheaters, utilize their work hours and their business trips for being unfaithful, while the nights at home are dedicated for their spouse and the family.
Meet the Family
Has your lover ever bothered to introduce you to his/her family? Or is the topic sidelined, every time you bring it up? If you’ve been seeing this person for a while or close to a year, you should have met the parents by now! In case you have been introduced to them, this is the ideal time for you to approach family members and friends. It would be safer to approach family first, as the friends may be aware of what is going on and may try to mislead you.
Check Government Records On-line
Another logical approach would be to check government marriage registration records. You may either choose to check these public records by visiting the office personally or you may check the records online through various free marriage registration websites that show the status of the individual as married or divorced.
Seek Help from Private Detective/ Cops
If the situation you are in is a bit extreme, then you may try to hire a private investigator, though this is by far the most expensive option. If you suspect that they may be dangerous, then you may simply inform the police so that they can come up with their own background information, which will clear all your doubts once and for all.